I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
