Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
