i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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