so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
