What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
