he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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