Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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