Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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