As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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