just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
