You really coming over, don't trick.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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