If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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