You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
