Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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