the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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