Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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