My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
