Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
