Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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