Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
