oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
