Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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