the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
