Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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