i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
