in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
