Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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