I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
