sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Randomize
