that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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