haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
