9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
