yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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