i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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