have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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