drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
