I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
