i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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