I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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