im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We had to coat check the pizza.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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