Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
