I'm lost and stupid without you.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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