Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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