U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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