Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
