I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How does one acquire holy water?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
