And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
