Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
