Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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