Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
