Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
