Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am naked and annoyed.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
please don't ironically join a cult
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