I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
