Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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