genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize