So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
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aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
