We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You ruined the universe
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
