Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
