yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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