I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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