I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
