Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
