All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
