I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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