Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
