Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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